How Can You Stop a Family Member of Friend From Smoking?

 

As we enter the New Year there are a lot of concerned family and friends of smokers that put some pressure on them to quit. Maybe they see a decline in health or felt they over-indulged during the holiday season and it really is time their smoker friend stopped smoking and got their life in order.

If you’re one of those people then here’s my best advice – don’t do anything.

And it comes from years of experience in helping smoker’s quit. But under their terms and when they’re ready. As frustrating as this answer is here’s my reasons why… but also how you can help them to quit.

I wrote this article awhile ago for another blog but it’s worth repeating here.

The most emotionally charged question I get asked when people discover I help people stop smoking is “How can I stop a friend or family member from smoking?”

It’s emotional because usually the person asking it is hurting for their friend or family member and wants so badly to help them quit, and they feel the problem is for them to solve.

Unfortunately the problem is not theirs to solve and basically YOU can’t stop somebody from smoking.

This is a decision the smoker has to make for themselves. Anything else is less than a commitment from them, and unless a smoker commits then it won’t stick and eventually they will return to smoking. Maybe it’ll take one day before they light up again or as in my own case two or more years, but eventually they’ll return to their habit.

Beware Of Tactics that Can Backfire:

People can definitely be influenced by others but when the influence becomes cajoling or even harassment then its time to back off as this usually backfires and the smoker feels under siege and their habit tightens its grip on them. As the expression goes, “You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink.”

So is there nothing you can do?

Firstly, let’s talk about influence and avenues open to you that are not brute force or making them feel dumb or inconsiderate.

If you want to influence then ask. Ask the smoker outright what it would take for them to quit? Then ask them if there is anything you can do to help them stop?

They may have been thinking about quitting for awhile but afraid because it will be tough or they’ll gain weight or even have a fear of failing. Just merely conveying you’ll help them in their decision and provide practical support where possible can be enough for the smoker to feel the time could be right.

Of course if they answer they don’t want to quit then at least you know where you stand, but most smokers beyond their mid-twenties rarely answer the question that way.

Providing Support When They Decide To Quit Smoking:

The most important helping hand you can make is providing support and encouragement when THEY make the choice to quit smoking. Please do not underestimate or brush-off this activity as insignificant – it could provide the lifeline they need.

When some people decide to stop smoking it can be almost too easy. They just decide one day, enough is enough and they quit “cold turkey” and never light up another cigarette again. This is rare but occasionally it happens.

Yet another group when they quit have a difficult period immediately after stopping when the cravings and habit of smoking plays havoc with their resolve. They may be irritable and looking for somebody to blame why they feel the way they do. This will last a few weeks to a few months and they’ll need your support and understanding throughout this stretch. Be a listener and remind them of their reasons for quitting.

What To Do If They Go Back To Smoking?

The larger group, unfortunately, is those that have a difficult time and slip back into smoking. Most people that quit “cold turkey” fall into this group. Most of the time they slipped back because they were not ready to give up their habit or couldn’t cope with the cravings.

Now they really need your support because they feel like a “failure” and are suffering with low self-esteem.

They need to “get back in the saddle of quitting” but give them space and let them decide on the time. Rushing into quitting again will just be frustrating and cause a downward spiral.

The support they need at this difficult time is giving them the space you gave them before, and letting them know you’ll be there for them whenever they feel the time is right. Chances are it won’t be too long.

I hope this helps if you’re wrestling with the issue of how you help to stop a family member or friend from smoking.  It really is all up to them and nothing to do with you.

Finally, if you’re interested in more information about my own online or in-office then check out my own quit smoking hypnosis programs.

Erika Slater, CH
Director
Free At Last Hypnosis